Conflict Resolution

Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil. Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need. Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. Ephesians 4:26-29

I have learned from experience that conflict is inevitable, nobody likes it, but sooner or later you're going to have to deal with it and there is a proper way to do it. God says to "Be angry and do not sin."  Kinda sounds like an oxymoron but it's not. Anger is a God given emotion that occurs when injustice happens. Even Jesus got angry when merchants used the temple for a marketplace instead of a place of worship. 

Our problem is that we get angry for the wrong reasons, we let it get out of control and we don't deal with it right away. It's best to deal with the source of the conflict as soon as possible and then let it go. "Don't let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil."  When you hold a grudge you give the devil an opportunity to worsen the situation. God desires that we pursue peace with all men.

Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger;  for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. James 1:19-20
  
Scripture says that God is "slow to anger and quick to forgive" but many times we are quick to anger and slow to forgive. We need to learn to listen more and speak less when conflicts arise.  "A truly wise person uses few words; a person with understanding is even-tempered." Proverbs 17:27

Many communication problems are listening problems. Too often we don't hear what the other person is saying because we're too busy formulating a response in our head.

Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person. Colossians 4:6

When grace saturates your speech it changes the content and the tone of what you say. Choose your words carefully, not just reacting and blurting out the first thing that comes to mind. Avoid being sarcastic and condescending because that only exacerbates the situation. Speak the truth in love.

And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Ephesians 4:31

Bitterness occurs when you hold a grudge and won't forgive. It's an inward hostility that poisons you from within. You want to hurt them but you only hurt yourself. "Bitterness is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die." Bitterness eats you up inside and what's worse is it grieves the Holy Spirit of God. 

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:32

When someone hurts you, it's only natural to want to hurt them back. You want to punish them. Forgiveness is sending away your right to punish. Don't confuse forgiveness with reconciliation. Reconciliation takes two people, forgiveness only takes one. Be willing to forgive whether the other person apologizes or not. The only alternative to forgiveness is bitterness. Forgiveness is costly. Jesus sacrificed His life on the cross so that we can be forgiven of our sins.

For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. Matthew 6:14-15

Sleeping with the Enemy

Obviously there were some divisions and disputes among the early church. James wrote his epistle to the Jewish Christians who had been scattered abroad because of persecution. He addressed problems they had with prejudice and partiality, problems the tongue, and now he discusses fights and quarrels among them and shows them where these problems originate.

What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you?   James 4:1

When we choose to follow Christ we’re given the Holy Spirit and a new nature, but we still have to battle the old fallen nature. We will have this struggle within until the day we meet Jesus.

When we get into a fight or argument we are quick to shift blame to the other person. We've all said, “You make me so mad!” Nobody makes you mad other than yourself. Frankly, most of our relationship problems exist because of unmet expectations.

You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions. James 4:2-3

These believers desired what others possessed, but rather than praying for what they wanted they would fight, quarrel and murder. And when they did pray they still didn’t get what they wanted because they prayed with selfish motives. We don’t know if this means literal murder, but remember the scripture says, “Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer…” 1 John 3:15. God promised to supply all of our needs but not all of our wants. Jesus said whatever we ask according to His will, he would give it.

You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. Or do you suppose it is to no purpose that the Scripture says, “He yearns jealously over the spirit that he has made to dwell in us”? James 4:4-5

Adultery is when you are married to one person and yet you are sleeping with someone else. Spiritual adultery is being married to Christ and sleeping with the world. You would be jealous if your spouse was an adulterer, and God’s indwelling Holy Spirit is jealous when were guilty of spiritual adultery with the world. 

Worldliness elevates creature comforts to the point of idolatry; sex, money and lots of material goods become our god. Worldliness is preoccupation with temporal things of life and giving them more importance than the things which are eternal. We are not part of the world system, so why do we act as though we were? Engage the world but keep Christ at the center.

But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.”  Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. James 4:6-7

We you read, study and memorize the Word of God, you have an effective offensive weapon to use when tempted and the Holy Spirit will enable you to resist the Devil. Remember the Word is an essential part the armor of God. You’re no longer a slave to sin. You can choose to resist temptation.

God wants to give us more grace, but He can't help you when you're proud and refuse to repent of sin. First submit to God; then you can effectively resist the devil.

 

Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. 1 Peter 5:6-9

The Hunger Games

Set in a future where the Capitol selects a boy and girl from the twelve districts to fight to the death on live television, Katniss Everdeen volunteers to take her younger sister's place for the latest match. - IMDB


Katniss is a 16-year-old girl living with her mother and younger sister in the poorest district of Panem, the remains of what used be the United States. Long ago the districts waged war on the Capitol and were defeated. As part of the surrender terms, each district agreed to send one boy and one girl to appear in an annual televised event called, "The Hunger Games." The terrain, rules, and level of audience participation may change but one thing is constant: kill or be killed. When her sister is chosen by lottery, Katniss steps up to go in her place. - Suzannecollinsbooks.com

Several weeks ago, someone told me they were reading The Hunger Games and relayed to me the basic story line. Since then the book and the movie have been the buzz all across the country. I really had no intentions of seeing a movie where teens are killing other teens, but when I had the opportunity to see the movie at no cost, I decided that I could speak about it intelligently having seen it.

The movie was well done as far as cinematography, and the blood and violence were kept to a minimum. As I watched the movie I was reminded of the ancient Gladiators and how people would cheer at this bloodsport. The Hunger Games seemed like a future version of Gladiators with the woods as the arena, mixed with the hype and hysteria of the Super Bowl. Sadistic government officials and television executives controlled the environment making things more or less difficult for the combatants. The wild hair colors, styles and clothing of the people in the Capitol are not far fetched in light of current trends and the whole concept of the movie is quite feasible in America future.

This story left me with a feeling of anguish. Maybe it was the concept of teens fighting each other to the death for the televised entertainment of the masses. Or maybe it's the idea of people today cheering for televised sports violence and realizing we could return to this type of bloodsport for amusement. Or maybe it's the fact that kids and teens are caught up in this hysteria. The showing I attended was filled with mostly teens and movies like this desensitize impressionable minds.

With the popularity of American football, Mixed Martial Arts and Boxing, watching this movie made me take a good look at myself and our society. We just continue to accept increasing amounts of televised violence in the name of entertainment. We already have televised bloody cage matches. How long will it be before we start calling for blood on the field or even worse a fight to the death until the last man is standing? We have not learned from our past, so maybe we are doomed to repeat it.